Zero Punctuation catch-up: The Beatles Rock Band, Guitar Hero 5, and Darkest of Days

Apologies for the stagnant week of no posting. At the very least, though, on this "Lazy Friday," I can at least double up on the amount of Zero Punctuation reviews, with a review of The Beatles Rock Band and Guitar Hero 5 (two reviews, one video), and a review of Darkest of Days.

My own personal experience of The Beatles Rock Band have been gone over already, and it's a splendid title to have if you've exhausted your fill of Rock Band 2. Guitar Hero 5, on the other hand, has been off my radar for some time. In fact, I've officially made my peace with it some time ago, and haven't looked back since.

Darkest of Days appeals to my interest in time-traveling (BIG fan of Back to the Future, read Time Traveler's Wife), so I could foresee the game to be a quick and interesting romp through the most famous battles in history.

Both videos below and NSFW. Enjoy!

The Beatles Rock Band and Guitar Hero 5


Darkest of Days

Zero Punctuation review: Batman: Arkham Asylum

Now here is a treat, a game where Yahtzee finds to be good. But you know Yahtzee - the game-hating reviewer has to rag on something, right? So rather than praise what's been already praised before, he'll nick-pick all the minor flaws in the game and blow them up in a witty explosion.

The NSFW Batman: Arkham Asylum review is below, so enjoy!

Zero Punctuation review: Wolfenstein

For this "Lazy Wednesday," Yahtzee has a review for Wolfenstein, entirely in limerick form.

First, the Irish accent, and now this limerick style? Is Yahtzee getting bored of his own shtick?

I'll just fondly remember the days when Wolfenstein 3D was the craze, what with its floor-after-floor-filled-with-nazis goodness, and a machine-gun-wielding robot Hitler. None of this "glowing skeletons" crap.

Anyhoo...NSFW and all that good stuff below, enjoy!

Zero Punctuation review: Tales of Monkey Island

The Monkey Island series has always filled me with such gaming pleasure in the past, and is part of a long-dying genre of point-and-click adventure goodness. I remember the small satisfaction of using the right combination of objects to achieve your goal and progress the well-written story closer to its climatic end.

Of course, when you don't know what the hell you're suppose to do, then it becomes an angry race at making every possible combination of objects. And when you finally find the right one, you scream at the screen, "how the fuck does that make any sense???!?!?"

Ahem.

But Tales of Monkey Island is one series I hope to play soon, just because I miss those types of games from my gaming youth.

I share the same ire as Yahtzee does with previous Monkey Island games, but my (hopefully) better intelligence allows me to cleverly reason which objects to use, as opposed to myself 14 years ago, when I had the patience of a ripened banana.

So enjoy this review of the first two episodes by Yahtzee and his Irish alter ego. NSFW, of course.

Zero Punctuation sound-off: 2.5D Hoedown

This week's Zero Punctuation is more centered around the concept of 2.5D and its implementation into games. Frankly, they could've just labeled them as "3D-platform sidescrollers," but I guess that is a bit long. Yahtzee also talks about the game Splosion Man and Trine, though I'm surprised he didn't mention Shadow Complex.

Anyways, I'm sure it's NSFW, so enjoy!

Zero Punctuation review: Silent Hill 2

Call it a fluke, call it mercy. Call it what you will, but I presume that Yahtzee, for one reason or another, wants to show the world that he is not just a heartless gaming bastard and whips out a game that he admires as his review topic for today, Silent Hill 2. Despite his praise, Yahtzee still jabs his own beloved game with appropriately witty comments, but through it all he wants to show the world that there are good games out there, and that he CAN say nice things once in a while.

Well, nice until he sticks in a penis joke.

NSFW, so enjoy!

Zero Punctuation review: The Conduit

Is there any Wii game that Yahtzee believes to NOT be marred by the system's control scheme? Is there any Wii game that can live up to Yahtzee's expectations? Is there no justice to the Wii game review in general?

Well, The Escapist doesn't care, so they threw The Conduit into the Yahtzee pit of misfortune.

There are times when I'll laugh at Yahtzee for his jokes. And then there are times that I laugh at him for his ignorance. This is the latter. Well, okay...a little of the former, but the majority at the latter.

I found some faults at the fact he neglected the highly-customizable controls and multiplayer all together just to get his jollies in. But what can you do with a man that has to make a living testing out ALL games that get tossed at him with no choice? Just let the guy rant - it's what he's being paid to do anyways.

It's Wii, so you know it'll be NSFW, so enjoy!

Zero Punctuation's 100th review: Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood

It's hard to believe that Yahtzee has reviewed 99 games thus far, making his review of Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood his 100th.

I'm just surprised no game developer has stopped developing games because of his reviews. It would've cut his tramplings down a notch, that's for sure.

But please enjoy this review for all its worth, and stick around for the full version of their theme song, in all of Yahtzee's glory. NSFW, of course. Enjoy!

Zero Punctuation Review: Wii Sports Resort

You will never find anyone more revolted with the Wii than Yahtzee. So you’d think that a game fully utilizing the WiiMotion+ will sway even the most negative gamer.

You’d think so, but then you’d be wrong.

So Yahtzee has the pleasure (er, displeasure?) to review Wii Sports Resort for the Nintendo Wii. Oh joy, this is gonna be fun.

As with video games, I remain unbiased towards Yahtzee’s reviews, and enjoy them for what they truly are – less than 5 minutes of ranting wit that can boil down to what most of us are feeling deep, deep inside but are afraid to actually say. It’s still his brand of humor and that’s what I enjoy the most out of these reviews.

The only argument I have against his review is when he casually calls out table tennis as just tennis all over again. If he bothered with actually trying to utilize the WM+, he’d discover that the motions to perform top and back spin were quite accurate, making the game even more enjoyable and more unique.

Then again, he’d probably tell me to fuck off and play a real game.

Think that was NSFW? Just wait until you check out the review below. Enjoy!

Oh, and I’m still getting the game. Not that you should care.

Zero Punctuation review: Red Faction Guerrilla

Ah, memories. I remember playing the first Red Faction game on the PS2 and its "destroy anything" mentality. After telling me that I can essentially blast around anything and not take a door, I went to the first door in the caverns and blew the cave along the left side consistantly, burrowing a tunnel that carried me to the other side. Sure, the entire ordeal took almost 10 minutes, but it was very satisfying to blast my own exit.

After two iterations on the PS2, designers decided to try their hand on the next-gen consoles and bring it's "destroy everything" mantra in Red Faction Guerrilla. I have to admit, the appeal of destroying whatever you see still makes me giddy like a kid. Yahtzee apparently also enjoys destroying everything he sees.

His NSFW review below. Enjoy!

Zero Punctuation quartet: A true "Lazy Wednesday"

If I can't put up an interesting post, the very least I can do is post up the backlog of Yahtzee-reviewed games here. So, here you go - 3 weeks worth of Zero Punctuation, including a 4th for today.

Usually I'd have something unique to talk about for all 4 titles here, but...yeah...very...lazy...

NSFW, and enjoy!

Prototype


The Sims 3


Ghostbusters: The Video Game


And this week's review, Overlord 2

Zero Punctuation review(s): The E3 debacle

To some, E3 is the yearly event that showcases what companies have to offer for the coming year. To Yahtzee, it's a humongous shameless plug of empty promises and ultimate failures.

To others, E3 is at least 2 weeks worth of articles, reviews, first impressions, and hands-on experience on games that have yet to be released. To Yahtzee, they're 3-second nods-and-rants.

So here's Yahtzee's quick jabs and punches at the return of the PR nightmare, E3. Defintiely NSFW, definitely 100% fun.

Zero Punctuation double feature: an inFamous Bionic Commando

Due to last week's E3 outing, I missed out on Yahtzee's Bionic Commando review...so I've decided to roll that together with his review this week for inFamous.

I almost entirely expected Yahtzee to be talking about E3, however...I thought for sure he'd attend the event and give his two bits about the whole ordeal. Now THAT would've been entertaining.

But rest assured, the double-dosage of reviews here should suffice. Between the two games, I inclined to check out inFamous more, with the enticing freedom the open level brings coupled with the ability to electrocute people.

NSFW goodness below, enjoy!

Bionic Commando:


inFamous:

Zero Punctuation review: Duke Nukem Forever

Had Duke Nukem Forever came out, then the world would fantastically implode. Hell, if it makes an announcement during E3, I fear that I would develop irritable bowel syndrome and fucken consistently shit in my pants for the rest of the convention. What could be better than announcing the game's impending release?

Why, having Yahtzee time travel to the unforeseeable future and make a review of the marvelous game, of course!

Do I really need to say it's NSFW since it's a Yahtzee review of Duke Nukem Forever? No? Then enjoy!